Every Dance Move is The Robot

Things I've learned from teaching a university course

2008-12-19T07:26:00.000-08:00

As a senior graduate student, I was asked to teach a second year course in my department because of some faculty shuffling that was going on. Because none of the faculty was available to teach it, I was the clear choice (in the department, in that area of research, in need of money, sucker for punishment). Since starting the course, I've had numerous people ask me if I like teaching. I like lecturing, but 'teaching' involves some pretty horrible things: making up exams, marking, keeping track of grades, dealing with administration, dealing with belligerent students, etc. So, I don't REALLY like teaching, but it's not because of the standing in front of 100 students and talking for an hour and a half twice a week (I'm as surprised as you are). During this experience, I learned a couple of things that I wish I'd known as a student:

Being pissy to your professor WILL hurt your grade, especially if there is subjective marking involved (and possibly even if all the grades are 'objective' ie. based on multiple choice exams).
Related to this, be polite to your professor. If you think your grade was miscalculated, or you were somehow treated unfairly, you are FAR more likely to have the situation rectified if you say please and thank you. Making demands = far (far far far) less likely. I would even be tempted to admit that under some situations, I might make a serious effort to find a reason NOT to rectify the situation for a student who is giving me attitude.
Also related, YES, I know when you think I'm an idiot. I had some students who sat through lectures with a look on their face that said loud and clear "You are too young to be doing this, and I don't think you're qualified." I'll let you in on a secret: no one is qualified. There is absolutely zero training for anyone who becomes a professor, only experience. So cut me some slack.
Go meet your professor. Don't be all ass-kissy, but it helps if your prof knows who you are. Even going to ask a question or two after class can make an impact on your professor.
Related to this, you are not a faceless nameless number to me. I suspect I would be able to recognize 90% of the students in my class (which roughly works out to 85 students). I would often see my students out and about, and they didn't make eye-contact. Perhaps it was because they didn't like me, but I suspect it was more often because they thought I wouldn't recognize them. Not so.
Go ask your professor questions before the exam. When students came in with questions about material that I knew was covered in the exam, I often worded my explanations to mirror the questions I had included. At points, I felt like I was telling students the answers to the exam questions, but in all reality, was just answer their questions. Albeit, with a slant toward making the exam easier for the student.
GO REVIEW YOUR EXAMS. Most students don't do this, but those that do realize that how they read the questions tends to be more of an issue than actually knowing the material. The wording of questions is going to be specific to every course.
Everyone's grandparents die almost every semester. That's not to say that some of my students didn't lose one or more of their grandparents this semester, maybe a few did, but I sure as hell don't believe that 17 of them did (number of actual students who claimed this happened as a excuse for something or other). If you need an excuse, don't use your grandparents' deaths. Even if it's true, your prof will think it's bullshit. And if its a lie, you should be ashamed of invoking your grandparents in that way!!!

To be fair, I will say that my entire course was based on objective grading (multiple choice) and I didn't "fudge" any grades for my favorite students. But that's not to say I didn't WANT to. I really, really wanted to, which is why I think when things are more subjective, biases play a role in grade assignment. I also didn't subvert anyone I thought was pissy to me, but again, I really, really wanted to.

I will also make a very sincere effort to try to overcome my biases in the future. But profs are human, and human nature is to be nice to people you like, and be not nice to people you don't like. Accepting this a truth, and using it to your advantage can do wonders for your GPA.

I'm gutted

2008-10-29T14:08:00.000-07:00

Russell Brand has just resigned from the BBC Radio 2. His show is off the air.

I'm at a loss. I listened to the Russell Brand Show every week, and savored the podcasts over several days of walking to and from school. Sometimes, if I don't have a new show to listen to, I won't listen to anything, as if I'm protesting my own podcast downloads. This is just such sad news!

I've heard Matt Morgan and Russell Brand were in talks to import their radio show to America. Gawd I hope so. I need my fix more often that Russell Brand appears in movies, and Matt Morgan is very important to this whole package!!

Any suggestions for alternative funny podcasts starring two handsome and strangely charming, always hilarious Englishmen? Hmm?

S-O-C-I-A-L-I-S-M is here to stay

2008-10-22T09:11:00.000-07:00

I'm so confused. Why is the term "socialist" being thrown at Obama as if it's an insult? I really don't understand people who think Socialism is evil. Honestly. I'm baffled.

I mean, you don't slap your kid's hand when they share on the playground, right? Only when they don't share.

Right?

That's still right, right?

What would Jesus do? Be an atheist.

2008-04-30T05:11:00.000-07:00

I was having a chat recently about religion, and it occurred to me how much I love Jesus. Bold words coming from a dedicated atheist since the age of 11. Don't get me wrong, I'm still an atheist, but have an understanding of what people were like prior to Jesus and you can see how special he was. Ancient Romans didn't have a word akin to 'happy'. Literally, the emotion didn't exist. The closest they came to happy was a word that meant something along the lines of safe and undisturbed. And people were mean. Husbands had the right to kill their wives, and no one would even ask why. The wealthy had slaves that they treated inhumanely, and the poor were subject to this slavery. Things were dangerous... I suppose in those times, happy was moot - safety was what was important.

But think about Jesus's message: God is love. Quoi? Sounds like atheism to me. In an era and locale where it would have been suicidal to admit you don't believe in god, how do you preach atheism? Redefine god as something else other than god. I believe in love, and the power of love, what I don't believe in is a supernatural being who decides our fate, and I don't believe this life is a prequel to eternal happiness. I don't believe that morals are absolute, but rather arbitrary rules that generally help us all survive and thrive in the world and in society.

But I like the rules that Jesus laid out. Let's be nice to each other, even if there is no obvious benefit. Let's help each other out. Let's be loving to one another. There is no reason to live in fear of a mythical monster in the sky, because he doesn't exist. All that exists is love. Right on, Jesus. I'm totally an atheist for Jesus.

Epiphany

2008-04-18T15:58:00.000-07:00

Omg. I just had a light buld moment (literally, I think I might be powering the lamp right now). I study cognitive psychology, but I don't actually *believe* in cognitive psychology. I study low-level cognition: attention, memory, learning, perceptual processing... the detection of simply lights and sounds...

Psychology has gone through several major revolutions in its history. In it's most recent incarnation, psychology really started with Freud - but that was a bunch of non-sense. Or at least it was unscientific and completely untestable. You can't falsify something you can't prove to begin with. For example, try falsifying that we went to the moon. Just kidding. Try falsifying that someone's death is all part of God's Plan. Anyhoo, at some point psycholgy really began to be about predicting behavior, and so enter the behaviorists. There is no mind, there is only behavior. Stimulus and behavior, to be exact. We can't see the 'mind', so let's not make up fairy-tales. And then, the cognitive revolution happened. You can't talk about human behavior without talking about the mind! Cognitive psychology... no longer are we only permitted to talk about stimulus and behavior, now we can talk about the organism. What is going on in the mind of the organism. This era birthed black box psychology - stimulus goes into a black box, which does something with the information, and spits out the appropriate response.

I still think this is true. I think there is alot of psychology that requires us to postulate a mind. There is something greater that the sum of a bunch of brain cells and neurotransmitters (let's call it superadditivity to be scientific about it). But I don't think that's the kind of thing I study. It's why I'm interested in the brain, and not the mind.

I think I've been trying to work that out for 4 years. This will help. I've been Indecision-City for months, but this will help.

Apology

2007-12-21T07:25:00.000-08:00

Dear Governor Schwarzenegger,

I sincerely apologize for mocking you for running for office, and I extend my apology to your constituents who elected you. You've proven yourself to be a great politician, and a real hero. I wish there were more people in office like you.

Yours truly,

Rae

Research (Tool)

2007-12-13T06:55:00.000-08:00

Piled Higher and Deeper, a comic about grad school, has a zip-up hoodie that I would kill for. Does anyone need a guy whacked? I'll do it for $27 USD ($30 CND).

Perhaps I'll just put it on my Xmas list. Yes, I still have one.

I only dance to songs that I like

2007-12-11T06:26:00.000-08:00

LISTEN TO THIS SONG! I think it adds to the post.... but it's your choice.

The song is "In the Morning" by Junior Boys, and I love it. It's old as dirt, but I can't stop listening to it. Every time I start my ipod I *have* to play it. And when I'm in a dark corner I am *compelled* to shake my booty a little (or if I'm in the stairwell walking up to my flat, alot). Why is dancing so irresistible? Why do we feel compelled to bob our heads rythmically, or tap our foot in time, or even do a little covert toe wiggling to the music? Multisensory integration, baby.

Multisensory integration technically refers to the change in signal when stimuli from two or more modalities are presented close enough in time and close enough in space so as to be perceived as a single event. When you add an auditory stimulus to a visual stimulus you actually change the basic experience of the combine product (the whole is greater than the sum of the parts). Its difficult to convey how astonishing this is. Most people hear this and think, "Duh. Why would you expect to have the same experience?". The reason it's so mind-blowing is because the change in experience starts alot lower than you might expect. The best example I can come up with is the McGurk effect. In this video, the guy is saying "Ba" (watch it with mute on). The audio track has been altered, though, so that if you close your eyes and just listen, he says "Ga". When you watch and listen, you perceive "Da". Your brain is compromising between what it's seeing and what it's hearing, and it is integrating them into a single, albeit wrong, percept. And even though I've told you, you're never going to perceive the "Ga" with your eyes open. How beautiful is that?

How does this apply to dance? There is a rather ill-defined modality called haptics, which can include tactile perception (just straight up me touching you), as well as interaction with objects (you using your phone) and changes in body posture (where my arms and legs in relation to the rest of my body). When I listen to "In the Morning", the pattern of activation in my brain, the collection of cells that fire in response to the auditory stimulation, is rewarding for me. Highly rewarding. Now, that signal is going to be boosted considerably with the addition of one or more modalities (in some multisensory experiments, the signal is boosted by 100% or more). Enter haptics. Enter shaking your ass like no one is watching. The signal that I just found so rewarding is now significantly stronger because I am moving in time with the music.

Right now this is pure speculation, because I haven't done any experiments to prove it, but I'm thinking about the design right now (any volunteers for subjects??!:D). And anecdotally, I know I'm right. Even old wankers who are sitting in their studies listening to Bach can't help but move their hands as if they were conducting an orchestra.

Now you can see why music videos are so enticing (the ultimate A/V club!!!!). And why dancing to song you like is fucking irresistible. By the way, this also implies that if you hate a song, you're going to hate it more if you're forced to dance to it (I feel that! And so does Britney).

A rose by any other name?

2007-12-05T13:19:00.000-08:00

Based on my research, if your last name is Peterson or Petersen, you're more like to kill. your. wife. Alternatively, if you're a woman married to a man named Peterson or Petersen, you're fucked.

Publish or Perish

2007-11-19T14:51:00.000-08:00

Publishing scientific journal articles can be treacherous business! I've been working on a set of experiments and the corresponding article manuscript for about 10 months. It's pretty exciting stuff... if you're one of the 12 people in the world who actually care (existential crisis #47 creeping in!). Anyway, it's pertinent, so I've been pushing to submit for publication. In the last month, however, I've received several insider tips that we have competition! The new method, the pertinent results... already circulating in the publication atmosphere! Oh no! I struggled with this a bit last week. Ok, alot. I knew that our competition had submitted to a really prestigious journal. I thought the experiment and results were important enough that I was going to submit to a prestigious journal, also, but I had to reconsider. Submitting to a lower tier journal isn't as prestigious (obvious), but I would be more likely to be successful. High tier journals will often reject a perfectly good manuscript because it's not interesting enough. I decided to aim lower with a greater hope of getting published before my competition.

I submitted last Wednesday. The typical routine is that a researcher submits her article into a journal. The editor picks an action editor from a group of researchers who comprise the editorial board for the journal. The action editor typically is more familiar with the topic than the other action editors (but that's not always the case). The action editor then chooses 2-3 researchers at large to review the manuscript - if the action editor hasn't already vetoed the paper to begin with. After a torturous 2- months, the action editors uses the reviews (which the author gets with the action letter) to make a decision about publishing the paper or not.

The journal that I agonized over choosing (Experimental Brain Research) requires me to name 5 experts in the field who would be qualified to review the manuscript. I always thought it was a shady practice... but I suppose it cuts down on the amount of work the action editor has to do. Anyway, as I started generating names of experts, I couldn't help but speculate: ARE YOU MY COMPETITION?? I mean, there are literally a small handful of people who care, and I feel certain that someone I named is involved. If my competition is asked to review, they will of course have to decline due to a conflict of interest, but then they'll know about me. I suppose I shouldn't complain - right now, I have the upper hand. I know I have competition, I know they've submitted to a high-end journal, and I just got some insider info that they were rejected (and that my paper had a much more elegant rationale and interpretation of the data). Yeah me! Because if we don't publish first, I'll get no credit.

I bet it's ~~one of the Italians.~~ Pratt!

Secret Science Club

2007-11-19T13:57:00.000-08:00

Omg, I really want to do this. I've been totally lost in science recently... Science! It works, bitches.

My favorite soap opera on TV

2007-11-13T09:31:00.001-08:00

I have this intense fascination with the US presidential elections that is more akin to the excitement people might feel when they think about what's going to happen on the next episode of Survivor, or possibly Desperate House Wives. I *cannot* wait to see who wins. Even the primaries have me in a state of rapture!

This election is going to be the mother of all elections, too. After the colossal disaster that is GWB, intuitively you might think that the Democrats have this one wrapped up. But wait! The Dems are deciding between and woman and a black guy!!! Holy f*ck??! What happened to all the old white guys?! If the Dems were deciding which old white guy to elect as the head of their party, you could probably consider this election in the bag, but with two relative minorities in contention... who knows? Both are probably irksome enough to the conservative population that any citizens who might have voted against the Bush administration (and therefore in support of the Dems) might be swayed to vote against a woman or a black guy (and therefore in favor of the Republicans). What else can Presidential opera throw at us?!

Mayor Rudy Guliani. Holy Christ. It's true - he's a New Yorker, a saint post-911, dead sexy (even for an old white guy), he's an old white guy (!), and he's a Republican!! Considering that Guliani is a moderate Republican at that, and he is the perfect alternative for all those voters who are pissed at Bush, but just don't trust a woman or a black guy.

The Dems have shot themselves in the foot, but I like it. It is shameful that neither a woman nor a minority has been represented in the Whitehouse. We all like to pride ourselves in the
West for being so progressive, but get back to me when the US has the balls to be this
progressive. I have a secret fantasy (obviously less so now) that Hilary will take the Democratic leadership (she will) and then ask my man Barrack to be her second in command. I honestly cannot suppress these flashes of Hilary and Barrack standing side-by-side in front of the Whitehouse, arms folded, wearing capes. It gives me goosebumps.

This is the point at which I confess that I feel bad for taking so much pleasure from the presidential elections. I should really pay attention because it's noble to stay informed and all that, but I'm almost entirely motivated by the entertainment factor. Shameful... especially because I don't pay attention to Canadian politics as a result of the boring nature of our political system in Canada. Shame. On. Me.

If you weren't there, you missed out

2007-11-11T12:44:00.000-08:00

Chromeo is a funk duo based in Montreal and New York, consisting of P-Thug and Dave 1. Friends since childhood, the pair are an electro-pop/funk powerhouse. It's hard to tell where the irony ends and the literal begins, but they are literally amazing, so the fact that they're being ironic (although they claim they aren't) is a moot point.

Never in my life have I been to a show at the Marquee like the Chromeo show last night. Most shows are sparsely populated and consist of a bunch of people with folded arms bobbing their heads, with the possible exception of one guy and one girl, typically both of the dirty-hippie/art-school variety, dancing like they're *pretending* not to care what people think (unless they're autistic or psychopathic, however, I refuse to believe they actually don't care). None of that at the Chromeo show. It was packed. And people were losing their minds. They worked the crowd so hard, people were in a frenzy!! I was in awe of their commanding stage presence, and at the shear pleasure they took in performing together. It made me want to start an electro-pop/funk duo :D Chromeo was easily the second-best live show I have ever seen (the number one spot still belongs to Manitoba/Caribou, but it was a close call).

Credit where credit is due

2007-10-22T19:00:00.000-07:00

I went to a few shows last week during the Halifax Pop Explosion. The HPX is my second favorite think about this city. Sometimes the bands are terrible, but small shows are always a crap shoot. HPX is awesome because it's a music festival about pop. Pop music! My tooth aches from the sugary goodness.

My favorite band was Young Galaxy. They're from Montreal, and fashion themselves as the next generation of shoe-gazers. They do have some epic pop songs, including Wailing Wall and Come and See, both of which make me want to sing a the top of my lungs. Mmmmm.... I haven't been addicted to a CD like this is years...They are so. Good.

And don't think they don't know it. The band leader had a minor hissy fit when they got the signal for their last song, "I guess we came all the way out here to play for 25 SECONDS...". I suppose big egos go with the territory, though, especially when you are *actually* amazing. Still, I was shocked and amused when I read on their website that it was a NASA headline first: "Young Galaxy Surrounded by Material Needed to Make Stars". Did I mention the band leader used to be in the band Stars? I laughed out loud at the reference - there are layers of ego embedded in that quote. Or maybe its an homage...

Oh feck.

2007-10-22T07:42:00.000-07:00

I think I just spent 10 years post-secondary only to realize I don't want to do the only job I'm qualified for.

I'm just panicking because I'm having to look for a job for the first time in my life... Hopefully that's it.

My stomach hurts.

Viceland

2007-06-05T09:45:00.000-07:00

'm trying to give up some of those things that make me see like an asshole. I guess you can't mock people the way we used to when we were young. But why not? Doesn't matter. I refuse to engage in that kind of disgusting behavior!

I do still find it funny in others, though, when done well. My two good friends in Alberta, Vanessa and Lori, are stellar at it. They can take someone's outfit, and craft a back-story to explain it that would have you holding you stomach, you'd be laughing so hard. Their is an online version of their hilarious judgemental bitchiness, which is the definition of hilarious judgemental bitchiness. It's Vice Magazine's Do's and Don'ts section. I think my favorite part is that you can never really tell which half you're in (Do's or Don'ts) simply by looking at the picture. Sometimes, there are some super-hot girls in the Don'ts section, and sometimes there are some seriously disturbed looking individuals in the Do's section. The whole thing is pulled together by some guy who writes the comments that go with the pictures. He is brilliant. He is hilarious, and totally poetic. In fact, I'm stealing one from the website so you all can enjoy the shear poetry that comes with this section of the magazine.

"This has to be from France. Only a frog would be so into
One World/One Love that he wouldn’t notice he’s dressed
like a dirty toy that belongs to a kid with two dads."

I win.

2007-05-16T11:29:00.000-07:00

That is all.

Thank you.

Give it to me, Russell Brand

2007-05-09T09:16:00.000-07:00

I am in love with Russell Brand. His BBC Radio 2 show is so funny, I actually laugh of loud. There is no faking of the LOL when listening to this show, my friend.

My only complaint? No archives. Ah! How can you deny me, Russell Brand? I need some more, so give it to me.

Blowing off steam (and con artists)

2007-05-03T08:22:00.000-07:00

I've had a massive amount of stress in the past couple of weeks. My roommate and I have been attempting to move, but when our subletter, FIONA JOHNSTON backed out, we were fucked. I spent a huge amount of time and we decided to sacrifice a large sum or money to subsidize the apartment for the summer in order to get rid of our lease. We kept having people make appointments to see the apartment, and then just not show up, which just added to my frustration, so when I got an email from Linda in the UK who wanted to inquire about rent price for the apartment site unseen, I was really hopeful that we'd finally found someone. She replied to my email regarding the summer rent postively, and then said that once she got my address, she would send me a cheque for the total summer rent all at once, in addition to extra money that I was to send back to her so she could buy her return ticket at the end of the summer. I knew before I got to the end of the email that it was a scam, mostly because she ignored my question about whether she wanted to see pictures but also because her 'arrangements' sounded ridiculously stupid from my end. I have *family members* whose checks I wouldn't cash without confirming funds, forget strangers in 'Europe'. The massive stress I was/am dealing with had finally found a vent.

Dear Linda,
Are you fucked? You must be to think this bullshit scam would work. I'm passing your email address onto Dalhousie Security and Halifax Regional Police. I'm sure you're in some random country overseas, and they'll never be able to punish you for your scam, but I hope your god punishes you for being a thief and a liar. If you don't believe in god, then I hope you run into someone equally lacking in morals who rapes you anally until you bleed, you fucking douchebag.

So, no. I don't agree to be scammed. Thanks for wasting my time, you parasite.

Ahhhh... that was fun.

Things I looked up on Wikipedia today

2007-04-10T05:54:00.000-07:00

Versailles
inhibition of return
Pol Pot
pyramidal cells
working memory

Christ, I love Wikipedia. What a great idea.

Beware of Oatmeal

2007-04-04T06:30:00.000-07:00

We've got alot of international students in our lab at the moment, so I asked them about things that we eat in North America that they would rather politely refuse than actually eat. My Japanese labmate said initially, she didn't like oatmeal. In fact, other Japanese people had actually warned her about oatmeal before she came to North America. They said she would probably be served oatmeal by her host family, and that she wouldn't like it but she should eat it anyway to be polite. As warned, her host family served it to her straight away upon arrival, but she was ready for it!

I didn't know oatmeal-eaters were so prevalent in North America that foreigners were actually being warned about it. I think it's both comical and totally appropriate - I hate oatmeal. I wish someone had warned me.

Teachers are heros

2007-04-04T05:54:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about kids recently. Over spring break I spent a few hours volunteering at the Museum of Natural History, and other people's kids were everywhere. I was exhausted almost immediately, and slightly disgusted by about a quarter of them. It made me think of my teachers. I was a good kid, but not everyone in my class was, and there were thirty of us! I had a hard enough time trying to dance like a monkey for the kids that came through the museum, and they were only in front of my display for about 2 minutes at a time. From that perspective, I can't imagine volunteering to spend my adult life ensuring that other people's children are are safe and educated. I cannot fathom it. Considering how undeveloped their frontal lobes are... people with damage to the frontal lobes behave wildly inappropriately and are difficult to control; they ignore social mores; they have zero inhibition (think of someone who is massively drunk) - and that's only if you have damage to your frontal lobe. Kids hardly *have* a frontal lobe yet.

But I'm a student and scientist. I'm hypocritical, because even though I recognize the importance of education, I would never become an elementary or high school teacher. I don't know why it had struck me so profoundly recently, but I am truly aware for the first time in my life how heroic teachers really are. Fuck the troops, they have guns. Teachers just have their self-composure and patience. Which is why, when I hear about some poor teacher who loses it momentarily, I feel extremely empathetic. They may feel like they failed in their job, but one moment can't cancel all the work that preceded it, and it's incredibly noble that they took up the fight in the first place. It's more than I could do.

Of course, the above excludes all of those teachers who are sleeping with their students.

Advertisments scmadvertisments

2007-03-13T14:19:00.000-07:00

There are two disturbing trends in advertising that I've picked up on recently: the first, the content of a commerical is now almost complete orthogonal to the product it is trying to sell. If you're selling air fresheners, why am I staring at a cartoon elephant who is married to a centipede? And if you're selling gum, why did that guy's head fall off in a cab? What the f**k are companies talking about??!! I aware that this is really just an effort to get me to think about the ads, which it does, but I often can't even remember WHAT the product is, let alone which brand.

The second trend is low-tech. Guys dressed all in black or all in white lifting things and moving things, trying to emulate high-tech. People imitating technology. Frankly, I'd rather the digital, seamless swooshing of effects that computer-generated everything gives. CGI me a boyfriend. If I wanted people, I'd go out. If I wanted imagination, I wouldn't be watching television.

Riddle

2007-03-12T10:27:00.000-07:00

How is a person supposed to decide what she wants, if every time she gets what she wants she decides she doesn't want it anymore?

Or, more to the point, how do you live a life without expectation?

That's not rhetorical, either.

I was born in the wrong era

2007-03-01T08:54:00.000-08:00

I got my hands on a *really* old celebrity magazine called Filmland. It chronicles the personal lives of numerous celebrities who were alive and kickin' in 1957. There's an article titled "What Every Bride Should Know", which is based on an interview with Debbie Reynolds Fisher. She was married to singer Eddie Fisher in 1956. (Disappointingly) The article title only refers to Debbie's suggestion that newlyweds compromise when they begin their marriage. I'm not sure how sound Debbie's advice is or how exactingly she followed it, however, as Eddie left her for Elizabeth Taylor two years after the article was published. Kirk Douglas also has an article in the magazine called "Do French Women Make Better Wives?" Mostly Kirk skirts the question in the article, but there are a few 'casual' photos of the couple, with the caption "Catering to her man is part of a French woman's charm. Anne Douglas is always there to wait on her husband as you can see from these varied shots". Funny.

But the true jems are the advertisements. Half of the magazine is ads, and there are several that are trying to sell products to help women gain weight. Thats' right: GAIN weight, ladies! Why be skinny? Good fucking question. Enjoy the irony.

I have no money ever, BUT!...

2007-02-28T06:58:00.000-08:00

Gawd do I love my job. I love logic (despite the fact that logic will break your heart), I love figuring stuff out, and I love talking about theory. EVERYDAY I'm excited to go to work.

Brit Awards

2007-02-19T05:17:00.000-08:00

I love brit pop. And I love brit pop culture. But the Brit Awards seemed to have proven that we've take irony too far - it's now cool to be a parody of yourself.

Oowwwwwww... it hurts

2007-02-15T13:50:00.000-08:00

I miss Taiwan today so much that I feel it physically. I miss Taiwan.

The people are great. I used to get older Taiwanese stopping me to say "Your nose is so big! You're so cute!". My scooter guy had his 90-year-old mother living with him and his wife, and she would sit outside his shop alot. When I came by, which was often, she would smile so hard I thought her cheeks must hurt. She would make me sit beside her, and sometimes she would make me eat horrible things. Once I learned enough Chinese to have short conversations, I figured out that she only spoke Japanese and a little Taiwanese. Alot of the the aged population in Taiwan speak Japanese because Japan occupied Taiwan from 1895 - 1945. But she could say a couple of things in Mandarin: "Hao Ke-ai" (so cute!) & "Hen bang!" (fantastic!). She would also flash her hands spread out at me, as if to say 100%! What a sweet woman. I miss my scooter guy and his mom.

Ah! And my scooter! Driving down the wide boulevards, with the scooter gangs weaving in and out of traffic, yelling "How do you do!" at me.

And the night markets, some of them crawling with cockroaches. Here's a tip: if you cast a shadow ovcr a cockroach, it will scurry toward you, so watch which direction you choose to flee in. The t-shirts with slaughtered english ("Shears along weigh two heaven! Catches ment!") are priceless, and the cell phone trickets are so sweet-looking they give you a toothache. Pikachoo! Snoopy! Whiny the Pooh!

What a totally charming country.

What does your candy heart say?

2007-02-13T09:14:00.000-08:00

Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love.
You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart.

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!)

Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic

What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays

Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Justifiable faith

2007-02-13T06:46:00.000-08:00

I've recently been trying to take a different perspective. Usually, I'm a pretty glass half-empty kinda girl, but I decided to be *happy* this year, so I've turned to new age-y resources to figure out if I can find the other half. It's totally unlike me, and I've been having some trouble taking it seriously, but I dutifully check the Good News Network every morning directly after perusing CNN & BBC, and I've been trying to bite my tongue when I feel something negative is about to come out of my mouth. I've been about 65% successful, and there has been a noticeable change - even a friend of mine has mentioned notcing a difference.

It started with What the (bleep) do we know?, which is a documentary about consciousness, physics, and the nature of reality. The film describes an assumption of physics that was bizarre: apparently for some theoretical reasons that I am woefully unaware of, physicists assume that if there are several possible outcomes to an event, all of them are occurring until we check to see which outcome is true. The quarter is both heads and tails until you lift your hand to look. From a philosphical perspective, this could be a reflection of the Law of Attraction and the concept of subjective reality. Subjective reality is the concept that reality is what you believe to be real; everything is a manifestation of your own beliefs, and everything in your world is a product of you. The three tenents according to Steve Pavlina are: (1) there is only one consciousness, (2) you are that singular consciousness, and (3) everything and everyone in your reality is a projection of your thoughts. Yikes!

Add this to the stuff from What the Bleep, and you could take the perspective that all outcomes exist until we choose to believe one is real. If you believe the outcome will be random, the outcome will appear congruent with that belief. Of course, this is no scientific theory, because it's not falsifiable. If something doesn't come out as you believe it would, then you probably didn't *really* believe. You hoped. Shame on you. All of this was fun to think about, but I'm a scientist and it's not in my nature to believe without evidence, which seems like a catch 22 - I can't believe without evidence, but according to subjective reality, I can't produce evidence without belief. Oh well, fun to think about, but not really applicable.

However, indirect evidence is emerging from the biological sciences to back up some of these ideas. When the world of genetics was just being discovered, scientists thought that given the number of genes in a simple earth worm, humans would end up having 100 000 genes in order to function in the way that we do. But when the human genome was fully mapped, it turned out that humans only have a fraction of that number (about one third). So, where do we make up the difference? According to an article by Bruce Lipton, we make it up at the cellular level. Environmental factors activate receptor proteins that cause a series of reactions in the cell that act to help it adapt to the enironment. Lipton says, "by strict definition, these membrane protein complexes represent molecular units of perception. " Learned perceptions that we acquire through indirect experience (parenting, school experience, etc) can be based on incorrect believes that nonetheless have the power to change our molecular responses. Yikes!!! I suppose this stuff really only allows one to believe in the power of postive thinking, but it's a short leap to subjective reality, which is an even shorter leap to theoretical physics, and anything that starts and ends with science can't be all bad.

So! Although there is no evidence that this is going to do anything whatsoever, I believe that it will - if only to put a fraction of the world in a good mood, which will most definitely have a cascade effect to improve the moods of those around that fraction of people, and so on. How can it hurt to try to lift the mood of the entire world? It can't. So say 'Ah'. Or don't, and I'll just choose to believe you did.

Random Acts of Kindness Week

2007-02-12T07:07:00.000-08:00

This week is Random Acts of Kindness Week. I think I'm going to make my cat a maze out of old cardboard. Random and kind.

The last time I laughed hysterically

2007-02-06T09:41:00.000-08:00

I just got cable, and I think that so far my favorite show is Beverly Hills 90210. I know, it went off the air in 1993 or something, but it's sooo awesome. It's like the OC, but their not *trying* to be ridiculous, they just are. And the clothes? DON'T even get me started. Does anyone remember when David (Brian Greene) would sing on the show? And everyone nodded enthusiastically like he wasn't complete crap? Simon Cowell would have torn him a new asshole.

I was watching 90210 with my roommate last week, providing commentary all the way through the episode. At one point, Donna (Tori Spelling) returns from a modeling session (egad! Someone thought Donna was *pretty*? That must have been the beginning of 'ugly is the new pretty') and hops into bed with GOBS of makeup. Brenda is sharing a room with Donna, and is pissed that she's home so late. Cut to Brenda in bed looking pissy... and she's got GOBS of makeup on. The entire picture was too much. I laughed until I cried. My roommate smiled politely, but I think she thought I must have been losing my mind to find that so funny.

What happened before time? Or is that even a fair question?

2007-02-05T07:58:00.000-08:00

I was at a debate last week that was attempting to address the question, "Does God Exist?". You might be shocked to find out that nothing actually gets decided at debates, so the question is still undecided. From the theist came the argument that everything that has a beginning must have a cause, and that physicists have determined that the universe and time had a beginning point, so the universe/time must have a cause.

I'm not trying to be a snotty atheist when I aske this question.... but doesn't cause and effect fundamentally rely on time moving in a certain direction (forward)? If you consider whatever existed before time existed, does it actually require a cause? Doesn't that whole cause and effect logic become irrelevant? Just a theoretical/philisophical question.

On a related note: This is something I intend to digest at some point this week.

What was I thinking?

2007-02-01T08:40:00.000-08:00

Can I just take a second and call your attention to the post I made in June of 06?

"If Halifax were a pizza, I would shit on it."

If Halifax were a pizza? What does that mean? Seriously, what was I trying to get at? I'm not even sure. I remember that I was extremely frustrated with living here at the time, and I wrote the post almost without thought. I just wanted to get out the idea. I was trying to think of something I could shit on and throw in the harbor, although why I would want to put THAT visual in your head is beyond me.

But pizza? I really like pizza. I mean, I love pizza. What *was* I trying to get at?

thinking of a third start

2006-10-18T07:49:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking about posting again.

I'm also thinking of a new design. Come back later this week to see if I'm a lazy asshole or not.

Halifax I hate you

2006-06-06T07:45:00.000-07:00

One of the greatest joys in my life is the knowledge that I get to leave in a year.

I have no doubt that will be the happiest/greatest/most amazing day of my life.

If Halifax were a pizza, I would shit on it. And then run it over with a car and toss it in the harbor.

Fuck you, Halifax. I hate you, too.

I know - where the F have I been, right?

2006-02-14T05:51:00.000-08:00

I could make excuses, or I could talk about love. Luuuvvvvvvvv.

If you've ever been in love, then you know that feeling you get at the height of the euphoria: total bliss. You can't stop talking about your love to anyone who will listen, and you find yourself smiling in the middle of the day thinking about him (or her). Your joy increases 10 fold whenever he (or she) is around.

Please tell me this is less rare than I think it is.

Happy Valentines Day

False sense of security

2005-11-29T10:12:00.000-08:00

You are far more likely to be assaulted or murdered by someone you know than a total stranger. So what's more dangerous - living in a city where most everyone is a stranger, or living in a small town where most everyone is someone you know?

Visitor

2005-10-28T11:39:00.000-07:00

Yeah! Kerry's coming! Woohoo!

I'm so excited that Kerry is coming. The fact that Kerry likes me is evidence that I am a good person, that's how good she is.

what do I deserve?

2005-10-24T13:41:00.000-07:00

That's not an invitation for "A swift kick in the ass!" or some other smart-ass remark, either. I'd like to know what I am entitled to. I've been really frustrated and pissed all day about something that isn't going my way, but do I have a right to be? I always want my own way - we all do, though. My question is, at what point can I get mad about it? There are no repercussions - I can't point to someone and say "this is your fault!". It's the universe working against me.

Life is unfair. I'm not a dweller; usually, I can take that statement, have a smoke and move on, but today I want to kick the shit out of someone, and yell at someone, and get my own way. More to the point, I want to dwell on the fact that I won't get my own way. It's so fucking counterproductive, but I feel like its my only solace.

reiteration

2005-10-24T06:14:00.000-07:00

All the good ones are taken. I'm going to have to wait for the first round of divorces to go through.

sssss

2005-10-20T11:52:00.000-07:00

I am on fire! Either that, or I am about to burst into flame.

I wonder

2005-10-20T09:16:00.000-07:00

...if I might burn myself out thinking. Here is my horoscope, people, because it probably applies to you, too:

I used to have a [Scorpio] friend who liked to spout the ecstatic mystic poetry of Rumi. (Sometimes he added his own rapturous improvisations, and so I was never sure where Rumi left off and his words began.) Since you're currently in a phase when the potential for euphoric release and delirious catharsis are high, I've selected five of these quotes that are in alignment with your astrological omens. (1) "Close your eyes and see with your other eyes." (2) "If you want to be held, open up your arms." (3) "Quit acting like wolves and let the shepherd's love fill you." (4) "We're not here to seek approval but disgrace and celebration." (5) "Let the beauty you love be what you do."

phew!

2005-10-19T08:52:00.000-07:00

So it turns out I'm not a serial killer.

I was starting to worry about the amount of A&E I've been watching and Crime Library I've been reading. Especially since it's a well-known fact that alot of psychopaths are obsessed with criminology & law enforcement. It's also well-known that alot of serial killers start out their illustrious careers by torturing and killing animals.

Well. I went to visit a friend of mine in her lab today, and she was in the process of removing the brains from rats from her experiment (she looks at neurological changes following exposure to early-life stressors). It was a relatively gruesome scene, and I had difficulty watching her use the guillotine to decapitate a rat that had been alive 30 seconds earlier. I had no idea I was so squeamish. But its a relief.

laptop death & destruction

2005-10-13T06:40:00.000-07:00

My roommate came home yesterday and told me "I think I might have hurt my computer."

Me, disinterested, "Oh, that sucks. What happened?"

She spilled some tea on it.

She takes sugar in her tea, so it made one of the keys a little sticky. She tried to pry off the key, but it wouldn't give, so she poured some water on her keyboard to try to clean it out.

The next day, the key was still stuck, so she poured some more water on the keyboard.

The next time she went to use it, it wouldn't turn on.

I... How am I supposed... christ.

I feel pretty today, despite the lack of make-up

2005-10-13T06:27:00.000-07:00

It's because I finally went to the gym this morning. I haven't been to the gym in ages, and I used to go everyday. Not that I was a total health nut, it just turned out that in order to go at all, I needed to blackmail myself. I got a locker and stored all my hair product and make-up there, so that in order to get ready in the morning I had to go to the gym. What can I say, I'm vain. But last year, at the height of my self-indulgent depression, I took everything home with the defiant attitude that if I was going to be alone and depressed, I might as well be well-fed and well-rested, too. That was the end of my health-kick. I used to go to the gym at the crack of dawn, work out for a hour, get ready and then eat a banana on the way to the lab. And I fucking hate bananas. Now of course, I don't feel well-fed or well-rested, I just feel fat and unhealthy - not just out of shape, but I'm actually starting to worry about things like cancer.

I don't think I will buy any bananas this week, but I probably will rent a locker.

I miss Vanessa, and Kathy, and Jenn, and Niki, and Trish

2005-10-13T06:26:00.000-07:00

the end.

Thanksgiving

2005-10-12T11:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my labmate, Yoko, asked me how my weekend was.

“Awful. The grill cheese thing was a fiasco. We took out power to half of the building, with the sandwich-makers*. It ended up being fun, but I was really sick the next day**. I couldn’t do anything at all. I finally took a gravol around 8pm, and crashed, completely wasting the day. Sunday, I have a headache that turned into a migraine, so again very little work done. Monday I needed to haul-ass on a paragraph for my supervisor’s grant application, but I never really put it together. It’s vague. It sucks. An added bonus was getting stung by some gargantuan bug on the eyelid and developing a welt. I look like I got punch.”

“Oh that’s sounds like you had so much bad luck!”

“And I couldn’t sleep last night.”

She told me I should expect some good things soon because so many bad things had happened to me. I told her I liked her logic.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*At this point, I’m not willing to tell this story. Every time I do, someone ends up laughing hysterically. I can’t take the humiliation of this disaster just yet. My ego is still bruised.

**Yoko didn’t need to know that was from the number of drinks I had that night (not to mention beer before liquor, which we all know leads to getting sick quicker). This was required given the grill cheese fiasco. See above.

Ha! I'm back.

2005-10-10T06:29:00.000-07:00

And so are styx.

Server Down

2005-10-09T06:50:00.000-07:00

Ok, so the fancy-schmancy design I've been talking about is MIA because the server is down. Until then, enjoy the hideous combination of text and background colors that I am too lazy to change to something more palatable until the sever is revived.

styx

2005-10-04T10:39:00.000-07:00

I've added some music to the site - does anyone else find it annoying? After spending the last couple of hours editing the song to get rid of the first part of the song (getting right to the good stuff), I'm not certain I want to keep it. I don't know how to enable visitors to turn it off, so it can be seriously annoying to those surfing and listening to music. Sorry. I'm trying to fix it.

**********************************************************************

UPDATE: done and done. I would have liked to move the controller to a less conspicuous location (as it is, it looks like Asimo is about to crash into the controller, when I was really going more for a 'lost in space' feel) like top left (little help?), but at least you can turn it off yourself.

I think I'm done with the redesign. Unless I can move the controller. I hope you enjoy it.

new design

2005-10-03T18:07:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody.

I'm working on a re-design (obviously), and I'm still trying to work out a color scheme for the text, so hold your horses.

Also, some of the html tricks are still a mystery, so give me a day to work out the kinks.

I feel like I won the lottery

2005-09-28T10:11:00.001-07:00

I'm leaving Halifax for over a month an a half, from November 10 - January 3, to carry out a project at U of A that is really just an excuse to be in Alberta for my nieces or nefew's birth. Actually, this is better than money.

I wish I didn't live here

2005-09-26T09:31:00.000-07:00

What happened to sincerity? Why does if feel like people are always trying to get something from me? Am I invisible? Because I feel like I'm being walked all over. I wish people would stop manipulating me, and start meaning what they say. Do I even seem like a person? Cuz I am, and it is starting to piss me off when people treat me like a possibility.

gimmee gimmee gimmee

they can have it, because I don't want it.

And just in case you were fooled by my hearty attitude, I still fucking loathe this city, and I still intend to never step foot on Halifax's soil again once I get the fuck out of here.

I should get back to work so I can get the fuck out of here a little sooner.

I [heart] the stills

2005-09-23T20:45:00.000-07:00

I just got back from a show with the stills and sloan. The stills have rearranged their line-up so that the songwriter/drummer has moved up to second lead vocal/second guitar. They've added a keyboardist, who is apparently the best musician in the band and who has dramatically improved their live performance, as well as a drummer who can cane the shit out of the drums. They're tight, and more hard rockin' in their live show than I was expecting, but I liked it. It reminded me of Weezer's jump from green to Maldriot. That's right, I invoked post-pinkerton weezer in a positive way. Deal with it.

On a side note, I'd really like to start an air band, with moi as air drummer. I think that would be alot of fun. Any takers?

Oh, and sloan was sloan. You know what I'm talking about (or you're not local, and you don't).

I'm feeling bitchy

2005-09-22T08:47:00.000-07:00

Why aren't people nice?

Be nice to me please.

I'm finally cool

2005-09-21T06:40:00.000-07:00

I love this new fad of having ladies' giant undies show. That's so right on. Actually, I think I started that fad about 10 years ago.

Pandora's Box

2005-09-20T06:39:00.000-07:00

Prometheus and Zesus had a relatively tumultuous relationship. Even though Prometheus had fought for Zesus in the past, they held diametrically opposite views when it came to people. The heathens of earth could live in their primitive ways until they died off, as far as Zesus was concerned. But Prometheus had modeled humans out of clay, so they were his people, and he intended to care for them. In direct defiance of Zesus, Prometheus took pity on humans and showered them with godly gift - including fire, sparking a firestorm of inventiveness and creativeness in people.

When Zesus found out, he was pissed. To punish Prometheus, Zesus bannished him to the side of a mountain and had his eagle visit every day to feast on Prometheus' ever-regenerating liver. Ouch. To punish humans, Zesus created Pandora. Pandora was fashioned into the shape of a lovely girl, with all of the evils the gods could muster stored in the tiny jar Zesus had armed her with. As a means to counteract all of Prometheus' good, Pandora carried with her disease, war, dispair, famine, pettiness - those things that would aid in the downfall of mortals. With Pandora complete and ready to wreak havoc on humanity, Zesus gave her to Epimetheus, Prometheus' idiot twin brother. Despite the warnings from Prometheus to never accept a gift from Zesus, Epimetheus was instantly enchanted with the beautiful Pandora, and readily accepted her as his wife. Eventually, Pandora became curious and opened the jar that Zesus had given her, releasing on the earth all the evils the gods had armed her with. Frantically, Pandora tried to reseal the jar before all had escaped. In the end, Hope was all that she managed to salvage.

Hope.

Makes you wonder why the gods included it in the jar of evil, doesn't it? I know hope has been making me miserable for years.

rae quoth ray

2005-09-13T09:38:00.000-07:00

Overheard today in the lab: '... but I'm getting off on a tangent, which I don't really mind since I'm so good at it...'

Overstimulated

2005-09-02T09:20:00.000-07:00

I can't stop thinking about it, and I can't get over it. I am just in shock and awe over the events unfolding in New Orleans. A labmate described it as akin to a scene of civil war in a third world country without any kind of social order - accurate if not terrifying description.

I cognitively find it very difficult to fathom concepts of infinity (& growing), forever, and the beginning and ending of earth, humanity, and time. Every once in a while, when I hear about global warming, I am reminded that most people feel the same. They don't recycle because they refuse to acknowledge that some generation is going to have to face the end of human life. If not because of the destruction of the earth, then at the very least, the exstinguishing of the Sun (I doubt we'll make it that long). Mass extinction.

And I've always wondered, that generation that will have to face widespread devestation, how are they going to handle it? It's obvious that we're not going to just slowly die out. People don't become less greedy, they become more greedy, and their not going to stop until it's all gone. New Orleans is a prime example of this in action. Despite the Army Corps of Engineers citing a massive hurricane striking New Orleans as one of the top three most likely disasters to hit the US in a report issued last year, the Bush admin still pulled 44% of NO's flood funding in ordedr to fund the war in Iraq. I saw a documentary about 5 years ago about NO's levee system, and how the levees were only 18 feet but the city was 6 feet below sea level so that if there was ever a storm serge NO would act as a pool being filled up with water with no where for the water to recede, trapping it inside the city. No one can claim that they didn't know this was coming. Did NO make any plans to encouage it's residence to move elsewhere? Or discourage people from visiting the city? Of course not - bad for business.

And all of this is fodder for my thoughts of how and when the world will end. I think it's also provided some truly startling insight into how devastating disaster will be dealt with in the future.

We are such a bunch of dumb animals, just smart enough to really put ourselves in a pickle, but too lazy to get ourselves out again.

Somebody, give me an A!

2005-08-29T09:54:00.000-07:00

I just submitted a paper to a prof for his approval and the addition of his name on the byline (meh, whattayagonna do?) before we submit for publication. He gave an enthusiastic thumbs up, and Rae lapped it up. In this world of rejected manuscripts and harsh reviews with never-ending rewrites, publication often seems anticlimatic because you never get positive feedback. I suppose we're supposed to have grown out of that phase, but it got me here gawddamnit! I didn't work my ass off in school because I always envisioned that I would go to grad school and become a happy little scientist in the pursuit of knowledge. That's what I turned out to be, but I have to admit: I did it all for the A.

I would be so much more productive if journals sumbitted grades along with their reviews and suggested revisions.

Fine lines

2005-07-29T08:47:00.000-07:00

If two consenting adults have sex, and someone gets paid for it, is it prostitution?

If no, why not?

Jet lag remedies

2005-06-05T02:24:00.000-07:00

Ok, for the conference breaks, they have freshly baked Italian confectionaries, and ladies ready and waiting to make me an espresso or pour me some fresh juice. And lunch is a two hour break with an Italian buffet.

Christ, do they know how to work here.

A bit sluggish this morning - jet lag is finally catching up with me. I completely missed how Schroeder et al managed to extract a laminar profile from ERP recordings. I'll have to try harder to not immediately fall behind and make myself look like an ass.

Ciao!

2005-06-05T00:49:00.000-07:00

Verona is a city for lovers & shoppers. But who needs a lover when you have food that is so good I can barely stand it, and the gorgeous waiters in Armani jeans can't stop flirting?

Plus there's the view that literally (LITERALLY - I mean it) took my breath away. I'm seriously considering moving here.

An open letter to the travel gods;

2005-06-02T07:47:00.000-07:00

Please don't let me get lost, scammed, hurt, frightened, or sick. I have done everything that I can think of to make this trip go smoothly, and there is only Murphy to fuck everything up for me (but Murphy's a fucking bitch, so let's not dismiss her out of hand). Please make sure that nothing catastrophic happens, or if it does, please be gentle - I'm fragile. Finally, if you could, please give me the power to relax once I get on that plane, I would appreciate it, otherwise my stomach and I are liable to have it out and ruin the whole thing (we've been at war for the past few weeks, but I have given her a peace offering, and I am hoping that all of the disagreements will be resolved shortly).

sincerely,
rae

Friends in the Building

2005-06-01T06:28:00.000-07:00

Matt, Lisa and I have settled into a nice routine where we order two medium pizzas from Mia's - one pepperoni for Matt, and one half greek for Lisa and half cheese for me. It's so nice to have friends in the building. I went over there the other night in pyjamas & flip-flops with my hair "the most un-done" Lisa had ever seen it. I should probably feel like a third wheel alot more often than I do, I'm sure Matt is probably tired of seeing me. But Bay, Lisa's cat, is not tired of me yet, and is in fact just warming up to me. She's decided I'm alright.

What happens in Europe stays in Europe

2005-05-31T07:19:00.000-07:00

I have technically quit smoking cigarettes. I don't full-on smoke - it's a social, drinking thing - but given that no one I know smokes anymore, and you can't smoke in clubs anymore (except in those disgusting smoking rooms located at the back of bars that I like to think of as the "desperate, social pariah rooms"), smoking is not making me the social princess I strive to be. Quitting was always imminent, but I just wanted to wait until it was necessary, since it added to my mystique, and made sure no one stood too close.

But as the title implies, I am going to smoke in Europe. I mean, how could I travel to Europe and not smoke? Isn't it required by law or something? Aren't all Europeans skinny bitches who smoke too much? In comparison to North Americans, who are obnoxious assholes who eat too much (sounds like a match made in white trash heaven).

These stereotypes should nicely justify all of my hedonistic behavior while away ;D

Bah!

2005-05-30T11:20:00.000-07:00

I wish I was telepathic. Then I'd know what you were thinking!

There's always money in the banana stand

2005-05-30T11:14:00.000-07:00

Brilliant comedic timing:

Monday's Horoscope

2005-05-29T17:55:00.000-07:00

When you're with others, you sometimes tend to be the person they expect you to be. Every now and then, you need time alone to get to know yourself again. It's necessary now.

Save Surely

2005-05-29T07:22:00.000-07:00

Dear friends and those who want to know how to do The Robot dance move;

If you have any travel advice that you'd like to share, I'd appreciate it.

love,
rae

And I want life in every word

2005-05-28T14:39:00.000-07:00

to the extent that it's absurb

Source of confusion

2005-05-25T07:50:00.000-07:00

I was reading an journal article today by some researchers in Japan, and I ran into the word irrespective. I had to look it up to make sure it was a real word.

It means "regardless". I'm embarassed I didn't know it was a real word, but it had the ring of a made-up word, like conversate. I am, however, extremely pleased to have pinpointed the sourse of the whole "irregardless" confusion.

If, then

2005-05-24T12:15:00.000-07:00

Don't you just love corollaries?

One more reason to make the switch

2005-05-23T11:36:00.000-07:00

(as if there aren't enough)

I just had a peek at my blog on a PC, and christ does it look like shit! The font is ALL WRONG. Kathy and Christopher have both warned me of this, but I refuse to alter the design in order to cater to the PC users out there. I mean, if you don't discourage bad behavior, how can you expect to eliminate it? Anyway, now that I really know how bad it looks, I shall not redesign (all though a redesign is iminent), but I will simply point out that you should have a look at this mofo on a mac, because Futura is what I am talkin' about, and NO! I won't back down.

Ironic

2005-05-21T12:31:00.000-07:00

You know what word sounds really out-dated? Modern.

I'm too private for this shit

2005-05-18T08:53:00.000-07:00

I'm constantly having to sensor myself with this thing. I hate that.

My favorite word is honey. This is all I am willing to share anymore. If you want to know more, come ask me (but I doubt I'll tell you).

My Love Oracle

2005-05-16T12:29:00.000-07:00

Deek Deekster pointed me toward this tarot website. This is what my love oracle had to say:

"Trust only your intuition, not your imagination, for the reflections you see are only the mirror, not the truth"

Yikes. I don't like the sound of that. It's a good thing I don't believe in this shite, right? Right? Hm.

Well, it doesn't matter because my horoscope from Free Will Astrology suggested that whenever I am overwhelmed by a desperate longing to be loved, I should transform the feeling into a fierce determination to give love lavishly, so I am just going to ignore the oracle and tell you who I love. You know who I love? Natalia and Angie. We had the best time ever this weekend, with a trip to the local gay bar. So fun. Ladies, you are good times. You can see the highlights at Cowbell.

I'm going to be there

2005-05-12T13:59:00.000-07:00

My past attempts to have parties have always been bad timing (i.e. total failures), which was sad. But this weekend, I'm taking another stab at it, because at the very least, Nasty Nat and Angelica will be there, and our bid to take over the world shall not be denied. Kathy, I'd really like to see you there, too. Pleeeease?

OW! OW!

2005-05-12T11:29:00.000-07:00

June 3 - June 4 Verona, Italy (Day off)
June 5 - June 8 Rovereto, Italy - International Multisensory Research Forum Annual Meeting
June 9 - June 11 Oxford, England (Days off with Kerry!!!)
June 11 - June 16 Oxford, England (Work in Multisensory Lab, & play with locals)

I am going to work so hard, and play so hard on this trip (my supervisor's gonna love me... more).

You can't see me right now, but I am beaming. :DDD

That's waht I'm talking' 'bout!

2005-05-11T20:04:00.000-07:00

New Order is so dope.

Another Weird Dream

2005-05-11T06:40:00.000-07:00

Woah. Christ I have been having some weird dreams! Last night, I dreamt I was taking a tour of a house that I was given. Something like that. Anyway, the house was mine, but I hadn't lived there yet, so we were taking a tour. Don't ask me who the other person was. It was a girl, though...Off the livingroom was a nice balcony, and in front of the balcony was a bed. I thought it was weird, but I thought, "We'll just move it into one of the bedrooms."

In the diningroom, all of the tables and chairs were pushed to one side to make room for a bed in front of the bay window. We looked at my companion's room, which had two beds. My room was across a courtyard that had this beautiful garly tree. My room was beautiful. It was huge, and the closet held a slightly smaller, but still gorgeous bedroom. In that bedroom's closet, was an actually closet, but below the clothes were two small padded matts that had been arranged as two beds.

I'm going to go out on a limb, and say it's sexual in nature.

Connundrum

2005-05-11T00:29:00.000-07:00

I hope if I ever get married in the future (unlikely, since I am against the institution in principle, but possible, since I will submit if my man insists) if it ever comes to it, my husband will come to me with a proposition: “I was thinking of having you whacked, but if I can have everything, I’ll forget about it.” I can’t help but think that every person who has ever been murdered by his or her spouse would have readily agreed to this deal (in hindsight).

I suppose there’s always the possibility that I could go to the cops in spite of the deal and claim all the loot for myself, and the probability that my spouse would suspect that I would stab him in the back and so would stab me first by having me murdered anyway. Neither of us could afford to wait for the other to betray the deal before taking action. Hmm.

Looks like a catch 22.

3 solutions:

Don’t get married to begin with! I’m not going to say “I told you so, but, ah….”
Try not to have too much (who’s going to kill for half of a terribly uncomfortable couch and some loud curtains?)
Stop watching A&E

Fixation

2005-05-10T15:42:00.000-07:00

I must be orally fixated. I keep pulling my shirt over my mouth today.

Obviously, I am also (ironically) starved for attention.

Pay attention to me!
Pay attention to me!
Pay attention to me!

Semantic Saturation

2005-05-10T12:51:00.000-07:00

Semantic saturation describes the phenomenon where a word is repeated often enough that it loses all semantic meaning. I've always thought of it as a pretty interesting phenomenon. I think colloquially, people use semantic saturation to refer to instances when a word losing meaning from overuse. For example, does anyone remember "shock and awe"? Well, colloquially, you can say the phrase doesn't really have meaning anymore, because it was so over used. Cognitivists wouldn't really call that semantic saturation; it's more aptly described by "buzz-word over-kill". But! If you repeat "shock and awe" to yourself about 30X, it becomes something like "shocenah", which is literally meaningless. The experience is related to the fact that pathways in the brain get tired, and can't connect at the rate they need to in order to access the semantic meaning of a word or phrase that often. I like it because it's a tangible example of cognitive neuroscience.

I hate it because my brain hurts from data entry. I fucked up on some file naming (one effing file!), and spent two days doing data entry trying to work out the problem. I literally enter the data files from three participants into the same spreadsheet about 8 times (x 8 sessions, with two blocks/session) over the last two days. And now I am suffering from numerical saturation. I literally cannot assign meaning to any of the numbers generated by the spreadsheet. Which fucking sucks, because data analysis is my cake, and significant p-values are my icing... Unfortunately, without the ability to understand the data, data analysis is useless. I guess I will spend some time this afternooon finishing a manuscript for publication (writing = bread & butter, but publications = fuzzy grapefruit candies, which are definitely better than cake).

I think I need some lunch.

I guess Goggle isn't as good as we thought

2005-05-10T11:59:00.000-07:00

Scrubs

2005-05-08T13:25:00.000-07:00

A line from Scrubs: "I don't know any straight guys who wear cologne anymore."

Are you serious? That was one of my favorite parts... Tell me this is just the bitchy attitude that american tv uses in place of wit. Pleeease.

Just one (because it made me laugh out loud)

2005-05-08T11:02:00.000-07:00

"'There's something perverse about women... they're all masochists at heart.'"

-Henry Miller (1891-1980); Tropic of Cancer

Oh, those shoes

2005-05-06T07:52:00.000-07:00

Our NSERC summer research student is so well dressed. It's really impressive. Back me up on this, B. His style is a little immature, recalling frat parties and rez floor socials (you know frats and rez's are the exact. same. thing.), but then again he's young, so it's called for. But his shoes are really impressive. I suspect when his age catches up with his style, he will be better dressed than his girlfriends. And I have total faith that he will have girlfriends, not boyfriends (score one point for well-dressed heterosexual males!).

(don't even. I just love men's fashion...read the comments...)

05.05.05

2005-05-05T11:34:00.000-07:00

Cinco de mayo, blowout, denial
It wasn't fun this time, letting you go
What if I never, a bullet forever,
Held out my hand to you?
We wouldn't have known beautiful flow

Absolute measure, I ain't no pleasure hound
Bus out of control, ploughing the road
Out on a bender
Just Alice falling down a deepening hole

I'd never been to Rome until you smiled
You're about as old and piled

Used to pray for snow
Now I just wonder
What spell I was under
Thinking you thought of me as something to hold

I'd never been to Rome until you smiled
You're about as old and piled

Cinco de mayo, burn-out Ohio
It wasn't me this time letting you go

-Liz Phair, Whip Smart (1994)

(back when she was still a respectably obscene songwriter, before she sold her soul to the hack-pop devil)

Enough is enough

2005-05-05T05:43:00.000-07:00

Alright now! I feel like something needs to be addressed, and although it has already been the topic of one recent post, I feel I need to do something more proactive! So, still (or more probably because of the recent post) I am getting about a quarter of my daily traffic from people who want to know how to do The Robot dance move. I feel like so many misguided souls end up here unintentionally that the least I could do is actually provide them with some pointers on how to do The Robot dance move. Does anyone want to help me? I'm thinking of a step-by-step how-to guide with pictures. So I need someone with a digital camera, and someone who can do The Robot (or at least convincingly fake doing The Robot in freeze frame poses). Angie, this sounds right up your alley.

Wipe the drool off your face

2005-05-03T12:40:00.000-07:00

I hung out with Katie last night. It was her last day in Halifax before moving back to Ottawa, and even though we're not super tight, I felt it was both my duty and my pleasure to keep her company during the last of her packing. Especially given that all her other friends were long gone, and her phone had already been disconnected. I got a funky settee and some gorgeous plants out of the deal, too (my apartment is so sweet now).

While I was watching Katie clean (I offered! She didn't want any help!), her 'friend' Jerry came over. Jerry is part of the Friday night poker that Katie use to host. Apparently, he feels the need to just stop by a lot - even before Katie's phone was disconnected. Katie has really given no indication that she's interested in this guy, and in fact, I would judge that she is way out of his league considering she oozes sexuality, but he keeps putting in an effort (poor guy). His visit was short, and he left with a basket full of creams and lotions, a lip gloss-making kit, as well as the board games Clue and Girltalk. And he was riding a bike. He looked like such a poor sucker when he left. It was almost sad - he was so transparent, and slightly desperate for Katie's attention. The best part was that I don't think Jerry would recognize me if he saw me again. AND we've played poker together before. I was literally invisible for his whole visit. What's the saying? Girls with glasses don't get passes? (Although the highlight of yesterday is still finding my glasses after a week of squinting). I concede this is just me trying to make myself feel better for being summarily dismissed by a member of the opposite sex.

I guess he should be praised for his perserverence and single-mindedness.

I love busy days

2005-05-03T12:32:00.000-07:00

Counterbalancing, and reaction times, and temporal order judgements, and inter-trial intervals. Running subjects, and collecting data, and preliminary analysis. Revisions on a paper, and comments to address on a half-finished manuscript.

Today was one of those days that flew by, faster than I could keep up. I *love* those days. I got so much done, and I was fully aware of how much in love with cognition and experiments I really am. So fun.

One last frivilous post...

2005-04-29T16:16:00.000-07:00

Who?

Who? Who? Who? Who? WHO??

Grrrrrr

2005-04-28T06:35:00.000-07:00

That's the sound of my stomach growling. I don't know if I will make it until tomorrow... I must. I must perservere. But I can't stop thinking about food... I want to eat a sub, and bacon, and cheese, and lasagna, and chocolate, and...

On the elevator this morning, there was a kid who was about 14 years old. He looked like he was on his way to school. I imagine his parents had already left for work, because he was eating a hot dog. Not just a weiner, either. It was a full-on hot dog, in a bun with mustard, relish, and ketchup, with a roasted all-beef weiner that made the whole elevator smell delicious. That kid is lucky he made it out alive.

Help me.

Depthless

2005-04-27T06:51:00.000-07:00

I love Wednesdays. I love Wednesdays, because that's when my homeboy, Rob Brezsny gives me good advice, and tells me what's up for the coming week. I'm not going to take this post to defend my interest in Astrology (Darren), but I simply wanted to share what Rob had to say about Scorpios today.

For a limited time only, everything will be pretty much the reverse of what it usually is. Do you have an unlucky number? In the coming week, that number will be a sign that good fortune is nearby. Do you have qualities that you regard as weak or undeveloped? You can now make them work to your advantage. What are the things you're afraid of? Deal frankly with them and you will stimulate a big boost in your courage. Are you weary of worrying about your enemies? They are about to become great teachers, maybe even helpers.

This sounds so, so, so, so, so good.

I'd also like to apologize for my excessively boring posts recently. I have been reading some rather deep blogs (and books) in the last couple of weeks, and I feel like everything I have to say is commonplace. And I never want to say a commonplace thing. I've also been doing alot of graphic design and art work (Mother's Day is coming up, you know). Once this fast is over, I think my head will be clearer. Also, I suspect I will have more interactions with people (I have been avoiding social outings, where this is sure to be drink and food). Good stories to come next week. Promise.

I like to put vinyl letters on my t-shirts

2005-04-26T10:17:00.000-07:00

Possible t-shirts:

Please give my word to your mother
tuo edisni eb ot esoppus si trihs ym ("my shirt is suppose to be inside out" backwards - on my t-shirt that has paint on the front, but that I still like to wear inside-out)
ps. don’t blush
; however, …
every dance move is the robot
Steve Jobs is my homeboy
Britney is my homegirl
i [heart] seth cohen
i prefer pi
she blinded me with science
maybe I did, maybe I did

any suggestions?

Almost half way

2005-04-25T08:41:00.000-07:00

Gawd I'd like something to eat.

Fast times

2005-04-24T17:45:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I'm fasting this week. Sort of. It's better descibed as a cleanse, but I don't get to eat at all, only this lemonade concoction and herbal teas and supplements. I've done it before, and really liked the results, so I'm doing it again. Hopefully I will last. I started on Friday morning, and I'll finish next Saturday morning. Hopefully. This is really testing my will power. Not that I'm hungry - if I'm hungry, I just have another lemonade. I just can't stop thinking about food... yummy, delicious food...*drool*.

In honor of my recommencement of eating, I am hosting Sunday morning breakfast next weekend. It's gonna be delicious... eggs benedict with either smoked salmon or extra crispy bacon pieces. And coffee, and some freshfruit. Yes. I can't wait...

You're so vain

2005-04-22T11:52:00.000-07:00

You probably think this post is about you.