I have given up on men

I recently had a friend convert from boys to girls, and it has gotten me thinking. Men are bullshit. Men might think women are hard to read, but men are impossible. And men naked? Forget it. Women take it. Besides, I'm a woman - I can read women.

Last night, after copious amounts of beers, I decided to finally explore this option. And I know the saying, "all women are two cans away from a lesbian experience". I would say it was more like 6, but it's a pretty accurate statement. There was a bunch of us who went to the Split Crow for power hour - which was pretty effing powerful. On the walk home, Jenn and I were hammered, and discussing our lesbian experiences - mine was in the backseat of a car in Taiwan with my roommate when we were on E. We made out because it felt good, not because we were horny. Jenn's only lesbian experience was also drug-induced, and we both agreed that those were shite experiences - they weren't genuine. Back at my place, after giggling hysterically for 10 minutes, I kissed Jenn, and she kissed me back. It was awesome! No wonder guys make out with girls! We fucking rule! She was all soft, and warm, and she smelled so good. Plus, we both knew where everything was, so it was easy to figure out what to do. It was a life-changing experience.

This morning, however, was a different story. I woke up with a start and asked myself, "did that really happen?" Then I got up and vommitted until about 11am. Not because I thought it was disgusting, or becuase I was hung over - by the time the party ended last night, I was dead sober. Which leaves only one other option: I think I'm pregnant.

Ah, yes April is a glorious month. Welcome to it, people.

UPDATE: incase you missed it, this entry was published April 1. It was a JOKE. I'm hoping that anyone who knows me read this and laughed hardily, otherwise I'm doing a shit job of letting people get to know me. But I do think girls are soft and pretty.

My poor heart is breaking: The Weezer Update

Well, Weezer's first single from their yet-to-be released 5th album is out. Cudos to the band for reaching #2 on the top US iTunes downloads with "Beverly Hills". Of course, "Switch" by the Fresh Prince is #1, so...

Ugh! It's breaking my heart. I had so much hope for this album, and I am watching it all slip away... The first thing I thought was, "This sounds like Beck". Which isn't a bad sound to mimic. But the lyrics. "I want to live in Beverly Hills"? And the beats! For the love of gawd, the beats. Ok. I get it. you're being ironic. It was part of their charm when I was growing up. I felt like I was in a club; I listened to Weezer, and I got it. With their new single, I've got a headache from being beaten over the head with it. Everyone gets it. if you missed it, it's because your deaf, and your speech-text synthesizer is broken.

I guess.... I guess I will wait for the new album to come out before issuing a final verdict, but I feel alone in the world today.

OK, that's an over-dramatization, but I am a bit sad. Anyone got a *good* single to cheer me up?

Anyone know how to interpret dreams?

Recently, there have been two recurring themes in my dreams that I am having trouble deciphering. None of the dreams are the same, but they present the same feeling.

1. I am in a relationship with someone who I am desperately in love with, but who I know doesn't love me back. My lover is no one I know. In fact, I don't recall even having him appear in the dream at all; it's just a him. It's like I know I'm in the terrible, one-sided relationship and it's killing me, but I love him so much I can't walk away from the relationship. Sometimes, I suspect he is off cheating on me, and the thought is excrutiating.

2. Murderers. I keep dreaming that I am hanging out with murderers, and it seems to be common knowledge - like everyone at the party knows the host has killed someone. I also get the feeling that the dead body is near by - like buried in the backyard, or hidden under the floorboards. Often, the murder has taken place ages ago. I never feel really threatened. I do have a slight feeling of dread - similar to when I watch biographies of serial killers. I mean, I *know* Jeffrey Dahmer is dead, but seeing him on TV all effing calm gives me a really marcabre feeling. I will admit that these dreams may have to do with my sick fixation on A&E's Cold Case Files, but I have been into shows like that for *years*.

Alright. Interpret away.

This band's name is....

Alex is on fire
-OR-
Alexis on fire

Why is this still even a question?!! Christ.

Little Big Boy

What do you do when you see a space-man?

Pac-man.

(Go ahead, read it again, outloud.)

I found the most brilliant blog that I must share with the world. Or the three of you that regularly read this blog. Ok, it's for Kathy. Kathy I hope you enjoy Little Boy. It's a blog from Todd, of Belgium. His mother won the Bloggie award for the Best European Blog 2005, and Todd decided shortly afterward that he wanted to start his own. The first few entries as well as the blog description are in French, but thr subsequent posts are in English. They're a riot. Like the post for March 24th, that went something like this:

This is me, a little bit younger. and don't forget, My Mama's a cow

Funny no? The joke at the start of the post was also thanks to Todd.

Come down on the street, and dance with me!

The countdown starts at 43 days. In 43 days, my boys are releasing their 5th album. I feel this will be a very important album. The blue album (Weezer) was their introduction to the world, and it was awesome. Particularly given the musical climate of the time - I mean, now, everyone is ironic, but back then? The Sweater Song? What a great metaphore. And Buddy Holly? Christ. I just about went out of my 14-year old mind.

And then there was Pinkerton. Oh my gawd. It was as if River Cuomo knew everything that was inside my head. And there he was, screaming it out with such raw pain and complete passion. I wanted to start dating half-Japanese girls, too. And learn to play the cello. I listened to the album over and over again, and still pick Pinkerton on my iPod fairly regularly. Brilliant. I thought early on that it could have been a rock opera - provided the songs were in the right order. I found out much later that that was Weezer's original intention for the album, but they gave up on the idea for some reason. I still think they should reconsider. And no one could deny their influence on emo. Now, emo may or may not suck, but that doesn't mean it didn't start somewhere great.

Then there was the green album (Weezer). It was so fucking sickly sweet with those 50s-inspired pop melodies and nonsense syllables. It was an attempt to appease Geffen, their record label, after the inspiring failure that Pinkerton presented commercially (but not artistically). The whole thing was a little fluorescent green, for my taste, but it made dent. And they even managed to squeak out a single that dealt with male prossies addicted to drugs in the underdog hit, "Hash Pipe". The follow-up, Maldroit, was a return to the rock they had kicked out on Pinkerton, but the level of disclosure wasn't what it was on Pinkerton, and the vocals were not nearly as raw and emotional. Like a good little Weezer fan, I bought it, and listened to it, and winced when they put out the video for "Keep Fishin" that featured the Muppets (but reluctantly thought the whole thing was pretty cool - especially the guest drums provided by animal, and Kermit wearing a band t-shirt... alright, it was awesome).

Now here I sit, counting down the 43 days that will lead to the release of their 5th album. This album is crucial. I forgave them for ther green album, and I gulped down my mild disappointment with Maldroit for not sounding more like Pinkerton, but gratefully accepted the rock offering from the band that inspired my high school and undergraduate years. But there are rumors abound about strife and derisiveness within the band, and I can't help but suspect that this album might be the beginning of the end. Given their track record, and the fact that this may be the last release before Rivers completely morphs into Spike Jonez, I have my fingers crossed that this is The One.

Just come up to me and say hello to my heart
For all I know you want me too and maybe you just don't know what to do or maybe you're scared to say: "I'm falling for you"
I wish I could get my head out of the sand 'cuz I think we'd make a good team
and you would keep my fingernails clean
but that's just a stupid dream that I won't realize
'cuz I can't even look in your eyes without shakin', and I ain't fakin'
I'll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon.

Fucking inspired. And still true. I see you.